Looking Back...looking ahead

There is an overwhelming amount of introspection when a parent dies. Every day has been a new revelation. Each moment seems to reveal something that I've overlooked. It started in the last months and continues now.

So many days in the last while I have felt so weary. I'm truly tired of homeschooling of parenting and being a wife. I wish to throw off my constraints and be Heidi. This will not happen, but it is still my secret wish, my sinful heart straining at the constraints of life.

Watching the video at my mom's memorial service I realized that I must not grow weary in well-doing. There is so much left and it will pass so swiftly. These next years will be gone and I'll be at my own daughters weddings and births. I know what I want in my truest of hearts. That each of my children will catch the fire. That they will know the heart of Jesus and live it. That their days will be filled with loving Him.

How blessed am I to know that all my sisters and brother love the Lord and are raising their children to Love Him too. This did not happen by accident. My parents purposed in their hearts to let the Lord direct them to this outcome. We must pray for our children at all times. We must choose prayer over worry. We must remain focused on hearing the Lord's voice for each of our children and teach them how to hear Him for themselves. We must not grow weary or let our guards down.

May we be found faithful....