Posts
In the jumble of my mind, in the months that came...I felt an unease. I know in my concious mind that my mom has died and gone to heaven, but somewhere else in that place where I only feel... There it seems that I simply lost or misplaced her. There were very few days in the last 40 years that I didn't talk to or see my mom. She always had to have someone with her or checking on her or doing what she needed. At first when she went away I was just tired, but then I began to feel such unease like I left her somewhere and forgot to check on her. I'm thankful that this sensation seems to be easing, but also don't want it to go...cause then she really will be gone and I'll be left to sort through the memories, which frankly don't comfort me at all.
As I'm writing this I know I'm opening myself to a whole slew of God Bless You's. (Please restrain yourself) I also know that for me, the bare truth brings a certain grace.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm so glad I found your blog!
ReplyDeleteBless you! :) Love reading Heidi... love you!
ReplyDeleteOK... didn't mean to comment using Stewart's acct... guess he was still logged in. Oh brother! Too many gmail accts around here!
ReplyDeleteI read this and I know what you mean, life goes on and the pain dulls but doesn't go away. As it dulls there is a loneliness that comes with letting go. My mom had a slow decline for many years due to althimers (sp) yet at the end it was like a drop off a ravine. As a mother of a 18 month old and a 6 month old when we were at the ravine stage I think it was my children that pulled me on as one life ends another begins. I too had the feeling of relief after the length and depth of care she had. Then I desparately missed here on a daily bases after all she was with me for so many years.
ReplyDeleteMy (I can't even really call it regrets) but some of my sadness and missing my mom is that I "lost" her so long before she was gone. She seemed happy but her mine was already gone from here and though she was able to hold my frost two sons she thought they were "her little girl". A sadness and a feeling of happiness comes over me as I think about this. With mothers day so near in some ways it still supprises me that it's supposed to be a day to celebrate my status as mom, all I think of is hey I wish I could go do something for moms day with my mom I often find myself still wanting to call her and this is almost 5 years later.
I wanted to thank you for this post on your blog. It's been a cleansing experience reading it and thinking about my mom as I read. I miss her do much, this will be my first mothers day with my youngest son and I am having a difficult time that my mother never got to hold this grandchild of hers. It is a joy to read that someone else feels similar as I do. And I'm sorry but I do have to say it... God Bless and thank you for sharing....-/Leanne
Thank you for sharing Leanne, I love hearing the words and thoughts evoked by others.
ReplyDelete