The plan and the presence

Yesterday someone texted me, "I'll pray for you."  I started to text back, "I crave his plan"  And as I wrote those words I realized how wrong that is.  I'm supposed to crave His presence.  In His presence is fullness of joy.  The joy that I've been missing and needing...craving.  Such a simple answer, to see his Presence and NOT his Plan.  To delight in the Lord, take my joy from His presence. 

This is a hard switch, I have desperately wanted to be part of His plan.  To know that I matter, to know that he loves me.  To know that He hears my cry and feels my pain and knows my brokenness.  I want to matter..and I want to be an important part of His plan.

In the presence of the King of the Universe I sit quietly and simply delight in who He is.  Truthfully, I still want to have the plan.  I want the pain to be part of some big cosmic plan..where I get blessed and it all works together for good.

Lord help me... I need your presence...I want to delight in you.