A lesson before dying...

Good news, I'm not dying...bad news my mother is. The days are shortening and it's almost as if I can see the curtain fall. It is slowly descending and one of these days very shortly it will lower with resounding finality. I can only say that as I sit here I'm filled with regret. Like most childhoods mine was spotted with shortcomings and near disasters that left me an angsty and often bitter adult. At 3 months short of 40 I was just starting to feel like I might find my way. Just when I can give and recieve love freely, just when I get the deeper depths of the human condition I'm being robbed. Death , that dirty rotten scoundral is taking the chance to say that despite the pain I see the how hard she tried, that she meant well, that she always loved me. For months she's been sure she would not die. Every time I've tried to talk about it she says, oh lets save that coversation for a time when it's inevitable. Well, time passed and so did the time for talking. I tried to tell her last week all the good things that I remembered, she looked at me with the vague interest of a stranger and at one point she asked me why I was crying. She's no longer fully with us. For me a lesson, let joy permeate more, accept and give grace more fully. Hold goodness that comes close to your chest, inhale deeply and then share it around

I was thinking about this today and realized that I signed up for this blog space over a year ago and never got around to writing a thing...so here goes.