A few thoughts in a New Year!

Today I sat, watching Julie and Julia, while folding laundry. That is as close to a few hrs of holiday as I will ever get. I loved the movie and of course it brought to mind so many un-realized dreams. I was already thinking in that vane since it is New Year's day. So, this brought on an indulgence of over-thinking which I am so good at. In fact I can often think myself right into a hole. Some days I just have to refuse to think about anyting of consequence if I am to keep moving.

I was thinking how each of us has so much potential, so many un-realized dreams. My husband dreams of working with alternative energy. He dreams of fuel-less power sources. I dream of owning a restaurant or catering business. I dream of being a motivational speaker. I have dreamt of being a stand-up comic, when I was younger I dreamt that I would be discovered as a singer. I've dreamt of starting a school. I dream of writing a book. I've dreamed a million lesser dreams...I like Julie have long suffered with my dreams all revolving around me. Good or bad I will never be the shy retiring one in the background and neither will my dreams. (I feel a little naked writing this out...these are things you ponder in the dead of night)

Reality falls and I know that besides the cold truth that I probably don't have enough talent to be any of those things, I somehow lack the single minded passion it would require. Again I'm struck with the fact that life is what happens to us on the way to where we were headed. Most days all I can accomplish is what must be done so that the world doesn't fall apart. I find myself longing for things that will never be...the problem with this is that I tend to long for things that don't exist and probably never would. Every so many months I decide to pursue something with passion. After a week of really trying I give up in disgust,tears and deep dispair. I can't be all things to all people, my life is not my own. Time to be thankful for other blessings and try to develop interests around this "phase of my life".

And so, on Monday, like all the other Monday's for the last 9 years I will homeschool my girls, feed and clean behind my family and be grateful. On the days when I don't feel like I can do this anymore I will put on ABBA, dancing queen and dance my way to the next day where, somehow, magically it will all be a bit better