The panic

I don't know if any of you experience this too, but sometimes there is panic.  A slow churn in the stomach, the brain races, the body feels like you are living on your last nerve.  Sometimes it can last all day, sometimes it's only for a moment.  Sometimes I trick myself, I tell myself stories, I remember I am blessed.  I breathe while yelling at children, making dinner, cleaning up and concentrate on speaking slowly and kindly while my insides twirl and tension mounts. 

In this state it is easy to be pushed over into oblivion.  This evening I sit here on the edge of panic, and though I know it is hormonal it feels so real  Then a very common occurrence, it seems I have offended someone. (no one in my family )  :)  I don't know what I did, but they bite back a bit and I feel the sting.  It reminds me I'm alive and then I feel the panic rise still further.  It is my nemesis.  I fight on.  I pray for grace to cover my relationships with others.  That their hurt would be covered in love, that my offense would be forgotten, that I would give and share only love.

The panic, something we hardly dare speak of.  Tonight as I fought this rising beast I decided to name it for all of us who from time to time find ourselves struggling to separate ourselves from its clutches.