May we be found faithful...

A bit of background is probably in order. First I am a Christian, I feel passionate about the purpose for which we exist. I'm pretty type A. I tend to think there is a right way to do everything. I'm driven, depsite the fact that I'll probably never be anything on the list in my last blog I am constantly under fire in my own head to get something done. Some of this is condidtioning. My mother was very ill throughout my entire childhood and I basically raised my siblings from about age 8. So, I understand fully that if I don't do it, no one else will. Some of it is my natural tendency in life, the way I came to the world. I'm also firstborn, so birth order isn't on my side either.

I was dropping dinner to a friend the other night after cleaning the entire day at a building that the homeschool coop uses once a week. I realized that I've come to be dissatisfied with how I am in the world. Years ago I figured out that I sabotage myself by always creating some new venture to help people out only to get "stuck holding the sack." The problem is that I love doing each thing. I love being part of why God put us on the planet. I love being His hands and feet. I don't understand though why no one else seems to feel this burning passion too. As I've aged I've realized that maybe no one else feels it the way I do. I'm not sure yet if this is good or bad. I've met a few other people like this and I've been unable to detect that they've found a balance in their lives. I've always been prone to take the harder road. I come by that honestly, you should have met my mom. Each time I promise myself that I won't take on so much, then I find myself at the time of decision. I ask myself, is this a worthy endeavor? Will anyone else pick up the cause? You know the saying if not you who? If not now when? Anytime it has to do with blessing others I find myself committed.

The problem to me is this...as a Christian I alway feel such urgency that the Lord's work move forward. I've taken to praying about each decision, but frankly despite my advanced spiritual state...(hee hee, that's a joke) I'm often left asking and not knowing, although to be honest sometimes it is very clear.

I was just sitting here thinking about it and I have to say that although I'm still finding balance in who God made me I've grown too. I no longer take on rescue projects. Thank you God for how you grow us in your mercy.

May we be found faithful...