Things you can't post on facebook

Oh how I miss watching my Annie run, play and laugh.  At night as I rub out her body I beg the Lord that tomorrow she would walk without thinking she'll fall over, hug without pain, eat without throwing up...  I ask for a miracle.  I think of all the other mommies around the world asking for miracles, that their children would have food or that this round of chemo would kill cancer forever.  I know I am not alone. 
Such sorrow, Such joy... I cry a mix of exhaustion and thankfulness.  Oh how we have been blessed.  She is here with me.  I was surrounded by people who carried my burdens, fed my family, paid my bills and did not let us fall.  I was allowed to bring my precious girl home.

I am tired, this is a life-altering burden.  It often feels like physical pain.  I struggle with the sea of hurt that washes over me each time I watch another person experience the type of trauma we have.  I find I can't seperate myself from their pain.  Some things are just life altering and all I can do is trust. 

Just a few things you can't post on Facebook...

Passing Days, Passing Thoughts

So long since I last wrote, I've lived a lifetime in these short months.  It feels like a lifetime of grief, a lifetime of grace all rolled into one.  I've started to write this particular blog a number of times, the words don't come easy.  The feelings are raw and untamed.  I think I still feel so unsure, probably because I somehow understand that things won't ever be quite the same.
 I do know this, that God is good.  On the worst day, in the midst of it... God is good.  He carries us in ways that mere words do not describe.  I know that I am blessed, not only because in this case He gave us back our lovely girl, but because of the way He can bring beauty from pain.  I think of Psalm 27, "wait for the Lord be strong and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord"

God is good, a trite phrase, we've all heard them before... we walk in pain.  So many friends, so many different shadows of pain.  Some of you walk in pain, and as you plod along it threatens to overtake you.  Some have reached a place where pain is your only true friend.  "In this I can be sure that I will see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living, be strong and let your heart take courage, Wait for the Lord!"   

Psalm 27

Annie the week before she got sick with her new niece Isabella!

Thank you to the hundreds, perhaps thousands who prayed for our miracle.