The strangeness of it all...

An ode to the curse of being a thinker.
I was reading other day that those who fall within the parameters of normal when asked almost always describe themselves as different or abnormal in some way. That those who are a little "abnormal" almost always see themselves are "normal".

Don't we all feel that way. We spent out childhood trying so hard not to be too different for fear of rejection by the group. That fear that someone would notice that our toes turn out a bit as we walk or we lisp. In school heaven forbid that we are just plain different.

As young adults we feel the same way. We want to have style. We want to be hip and well-thought of. We want to be smart, but not so smart that we aren't cool. We want to have fun and go places. We want to tell big stories of our escapades. Whatever you've surrounded yourself with we strive to be that. I was an odd mix in those years. Weekend Tie-dyed Granola Folk, at work suits and heels, part country girl, wanna be classy lady. It was like I was living all the parts of myself in one life. In retrospect, a fascinating paradox.

My 30's brought the mother years and with it more parts of myself. The others didn't really go away, but I had no more time to be more granola than a well-worn pair of birks, no suits and heels, I finally gave up the illusion of becoming one of those classy gals who I admire so. Frankly there is nothing scarier than a young mom teetering along in heels with 3 kids in tow. :) I began to do and not be. I did the things I wanted to and wore the same sweatshirt, jeans and tennis shoes for everything. These have been good years. I've gotten to DO so many things.

Now as I approach my 40's it seems that I wish to change again. I wish to do less and BE more again. I'm curious to see how this will come about. There is a sense that after the busiest years of baby's I wish to enjoy the moment. I wish to be again in a whole new way. I am yearning to re-discover some of my left-behind youthful pleasures. So, here's to my journey and yours.
May we be found faithful.