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Why Chinese Mother's are Superior
Reading that article was almost a visceral experience for me. As I finished reading I realized that my fists were clenched. The funny thing is that in the Western world I'm one of the most "Chinese" mom's I know. I home school my kids because I don't believe the school system pushes them hard enough. I never let them do things I disagree with just to make peace. I am the final authority on how they will dress and conduct themselves. I am very frank when I feel any one of my children has given me less than 100%. I've even been so bold as to tell my kids that we don't have any stupid children in our home and so consequently that stupid behavior will stop immediately. I would even say that on some level I do feel like my kids owe me. They owe me a chance to see them grow to be mature and happy, to see them make wise and loving choices. They owe me respect for my sacrifices in raising them.
I was left pondering why I felt so strongly about the thoughts expressed in this article.
I kept wondering, if I am only of value for my achievements then where does that leave the child born with less. The ones closest to the heart of God, those with downs syndrome or with limited faculties, or simple learning disabilities. What about those who can not achieve, they can only be. Despite the fact that our country is not singularly Christian we possess as a value this underlying principle that we are all valuable, not for what we do, but for the God-given beauty of our souls.
For the most part we are incredibly proud of the beauty in each other's children. In many ways parenting is a shared journey. We share each others parenting sorrows and rejoice with each triumph. I find myself shrink back from the solitary-styled success of life being about besting others. I am drawn to Mother Teresa's words..."We are not called to be successful, but to be faithful"
It frightens me, this idea that my value lies in my success, because deep inside we all know that we are never enough, that we will never measure up and it's the grace and beauty implanted by God that makes us anything lovely at all.
Melody and Annie with our Chinese daughter Sissi
On a drizzly and cold day last January I walked along the beach with a lovely Chinese woman. She was very reserved, but over the weeks had developed a twinkle in her eye and a ready smile. As we stood there overlooking the ocean she said to me, " you have a lovely life here". In my naivete I thought she was referring to the beauty of Oregon. I replied, "how do you mean?" She said to me, "It is a wonderful thing to live as you were meant to. To choose to do this or that simply because your heart wishes to. Here you are free... free to be who you were intended.... to think your own thoughts and never worry."
I found this post from your comment on Dr. Laura's facebook page. This was lovely to read. Thanks for sharing. And to add to your point that value does not lie in success, Amy Chua's style of parenting appears to do nothing to teach a child about what a relationship with Christ is like. I have not read her book, but based on the article, it appears as if her approval and love as a parent is conditional on her daughters' academic success. She persists in saying that her kids know they are loved by her. But as a child of a "chinese mother", I highly doubt it. My upbringing has negatively affected me in many areas of my adult life, but I'd have to say that my relationship with God and understanding the concept of a God that unconditionally loves was the biggest casualty by far. Who else does a child look to for a model on what unconditional love is? Thanks again for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading... I agree completely our parents help us understand how completely God loves us, they help us understand that His love for us is not based on performance of any kind, but simply the fact that we are created in His image. Much like we are with our parents. Thanks for stopping by, come again. Heidi
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